That's what people say at least.
And boy has it flew!
Feels like just yesterday I was in 9th grade, an awkward barely-getting-used-to-her-own-skin kid. Innocent as they came. Never did drugs. Never drank. Never ditched. Never suspended. Straight A student. Loved by teachers & my friends. Yeah I had a couple boyfriends. Nothing too serious. Mostly puppy love. Never gotten (or wanted to get) farther than kissing. I was happy. I KNEW what classes I was going to take the rest of high school. I KNEW what colleges I was going to apply to. And what my major would be. Life seemed so... Simple.
The stress was simple. Tests. Friends. Grades. Family. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Boy did that all change.
By that Halloween I met my fiancé (little did I know) and almost everything I never had done, I did. I still never did any drugs or drank. But we got farther than kissing. I ditched a class, 6th period on a day there was a substitute. (I still count it as a win.) I felt like a crazy rebel. And to be honest, it was liberating.
I think that's one of the things I loved about our relationship. He took me out of my comfort zone but never made me feel bad for being uncomfortable with doing so. I hope that makes sense.
I was SO used to being the good girl, being "bad" was just another experience. Not the new me.
Fast forward one year. We're still happily together. I look down and well, two dark pink lines. Shit. I AM pregnant. I was happy and scared at the same time.
How am I gonna tell my folks? I told Julius and he was immediately excited. No scared bone inside him. He was "ready" to be a dad. He wanted our little he or she (preferred she) and couldn't wait. Me on the other hand. Well. I had goals. I wanted to be in the upcoming school play. I was on the track I had always seen myself on.
Fast forward another 10 months.
I had Logan. Still in school (alternative for pregnant girls). Still getting straight A's. But now I was a mom. Stress was so much different. It was, "Should I get some sleep so I can be the calm not zombie mom?" Or "Should I stay up another two hours and do some work?"
I chose sleep. And most of the time I still do. Being a mom, the BEST mom I can be is my #1 priority now. It's not about studying for a test or what my essay will be about. It's about , "If Logan wakes up at 3 A.M, will I be rested, calm, and composed enough to take care of him and get him back to sleep?"
My life has changed IMMENSELY in the last almost 3 years. I never imagined it would be like this.
I still dream of college. I still know what I want to do. But being a mom now is still first.
I now see myself in less than two years from now being married, raising TWO little ones, moving with my fiancé to Mississippi while he completes his Air Force tech guy training.
There's no doubt about it. I have been whiplashed.
But if I knew then what I do now, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm a different happy now. I've matured in ways that I still can't comprehend. And I love my family more than words can describe.
Two and a half years ago I was an awkward, innocent, school driven kid.
Now. I'm a happy. Motivated. Pridefilled mommy of soon-to-be 2.
Till next time.
~Ashley 💋
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