Community? What "Community"?

⛔️ MY opinion. Feel free to disagree privately. ⛔️ 

Okay. So let's get real about the IG mom "community". It stopped being a community a long time ago. 

I've only been a part of it for a coupe of months. Since January. And in that short time I've seen more and more how much unnecessary bullshit drama there is. It makes me sad to be honest.  When I found this community I was happy! Finally I would be able to post pictures of my cute son & family without judgement. I could FINALLY relate to some people & talk to other responsible moms. A whole bunch of things I was lacking in my physical life. 

As a teenager and a mom where I live, it usually entails partying every weekend. Getting high. Letting grandparents take care of the baby. Not caring about school    And finally baby daddy drama. 

NONE of that applied to me. I didn't (& don't) party or leave my son with my parents for them to take care of. I love school. And finally, I'm happily together with my son's father. So needless to say, I never talked to any of them. 

But APPARENTLY, IG drama isn't all they different. People still act like they're in highschool and go on with high school drama and games. A huge thing lately has been bullying. If you have a problem with someone, don't spread smut about them. Don't talk down to them. Be mature and talk to them privately. And if things can't be resolved, drop it. 

The mom community is supposed to be there for support. For love. For mutual interest in all our beautiful families & kids. I don't know when it stopped being about that. 

Now some people are "too good" for others for whatever reason. Follower count mostly. 

Let's just have a reality check. Big accounts once started from 0 followers and gradually grew. And whether you have 100 followers or 100k followers 697 aren't any less or more important than the next person. 

Them theres fake pages and hate pages. People. Really? Hate pages? It's pathetic. Yes. Some moms (or dads) make horrible decisions when it comes to their kids and personal lives. That doesn't however give you the right to create an entire page solely dedicated to tearing them down. Ever. 

We have to remember it's not about followers. It's not about who's better than who. It's about family. Children. Support. 

And until we FOCUS on that and drop the rest of the crap going on, IG WON'T become a community again. 

Till next time, 

~Ashley 💋

Small Bump Unborn

" 'Cause you were just a small bump unborn

   for four months then torn from life. 

Maybe you were needed up there, but we're 

still unaware as why." 

Yes, these are the last lyrics to Ed Sheeran's "Small Bump". And yes, it is what this blog entry is named after. 

If you read my previous post about my boyfriend's and mine 'love story' then you know I have had a miscarriage before. 

It's not something I talk about or share often. But maybe it's time. 

Miscarriages are hard. Emotionally & physically. They tear you apart and make you over think. At least that's what it did to me. Even now when I think about it I can't help but to tear up. 

October 11th,2013. That's the day that we officially lost her. I'm going to say her because we both always had a feeling it was a girl. It's been two years but doesn't hurt any less. 

I was only 10 weeks appx. when we lost our baby. We never got to see him/her. I had actually only known for about 2 weeks before miscarrying. 

It was one of the worst pains I had ever felt up until that time. It literally felt like my stomach was eating itself. There were horrible cramps that now I can compare to labor cramps. I got a horrible fever. And got so pale my dad told me I looked like death. (thanks dad.) He didn't know though what was really happening. Unfortunately, I did. 

I stayed home from school the next day and Julius came to visit me at home. We sat on the porch and talked. And cried. Just trying to pass time which was all we could do. 

I remember writing out this entire letter telling our baby how much I loved her. How much I was going to miss her. All the things I wish we could have done. I also remember begging God to give us our baby back. That I would do anything He wanted me to do just to be able to hold her again. To know she wasn't gone & was still alive. 

Needless to say, that didn't happen. I grieved about it. I still do when it comes to my mind. I'll never know why it happened. But I look back on it now & think it may have been so that we could have Logan. 

You may be thinking, you were only ten weeks. If that. It's not like you felt "her" or saw "her". Get over it. 

Easier said than done. I'm not saying it cripples me. But it does hurt. It leaves me with a bunch of "what ifs" that will never be answered. A bunch of fantasies of Holding her & playing dress up that will never happen. Not with HER anyways. With my son yes. And with my soon to be daughter yes. 

It's hard for those who haven't been through it to completely understand. 

But if you have been through it, know that I do. 

Till next time, 

~Ashley 💋